


A Side of Pink

by wannabewyler



Series: 14 Drabbles [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Dolores Umbridge-Centric, Drabbles, F/F, F/M, Why Did I Write This?, altered ages, odd pairings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-08
Updated: 2016-11-08
Packaged: 2018-08-29 19:10:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 3,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8501989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wannabewyler/pseuds/wannabewyler
Summary: 14 different chapters, with a different Dolores Umbridge pairing in each one. Written in drabble form with very little plot.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> "I am just like my mother. When she is upset, she cooks." (Criminal Minds)  
> Paired with: Albus Dumbledore  
> Word Count: 179  
> Write about a Riddle Era Head of Gryffindor House.

"I am just like my mother. When she is upset, she cooks."

Dolores stifled a sigh and tried not to roll her eyes. "Albus, I don't understand what that has to do with anything."

"Lemon drop?" he offered, as if he wasn't listening to a word that she was saying. She didn't answer or accept, staring steadily at the Headmaster. He placed the bowl back on his desk without a word. "Why do you insist on causing trouble in my school, Dolores?"

"I'm not causing trouble," she argued, defending herself. "I'm sorting out the mess that you've left. Soon, you won't have any power here and it won't be your school."

"Dolores, in school, you were such a nice girl. What changed?"

"Changed? I haven't changed. I've grown. What I'm doing is for the good of the Wizarding world! It needs to be done."

"I disagree."

"I guessed you would." She sighed, putting down her cup of pink tea. "Your little Potter has been spreading lies, your lies. Once he's dealt with, your whole reputation will fall to pieces."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "We need to talk." / Don't say that. When women say that, everything goes black, and I wake up surrounded by body parts." (True Blood)  
> Paired with: Amycus Carrow  
> Word Count: 166

"We need to talk," Dolores said the moment she greeted Amycus Carrow. He sighed.

"Don't say that. When women say that, everything goes black and I wake up surrounded by body parts." Dolores kept her neutral mask on.

"You know him, don't you?" Amycus blinked at her before returning to the paperwork on his desk. "I want you to introduce me to him."

"I have no idea who you are on about," Amycus evaded.

"Hem, hem," she coughed. "Don't lie to me. I know you know. I want to meet the Dark Lord."

"See, this is my point! When women say we need to talk, I kill people. Do you know what you're asking of me? It's dangerous and risky and I gain nothing from it."

"Hem, hem, hem," she giggled. "I'm sure I can make it worth your while."

Amycus sighed. "I'm sure he'd be happy to see you on some level. You do support the cause." He paused. "I'll see what I can do."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "[Insert Name], master of the two-hour female orgasm." (GTA V)  
> Paired with: Antonin Dolohov  
> Word Count: 158

"Antonin Dolohov, master of the two-hour female orgasm," Antonin declared as he sat down on one of the couches in the Slytherin, kicking his feet up on the table in front of him. He wrapped his arm around the shoulders of the girls that were seated next to him and Abraxas Malfoy rolled his eyes.

"Who gave you that title?" Abraxas asked.

"I gave it to myself." Antonin winked. "Obviously I had proof. No exaggerations on my part."

"Who would get with you?" Abraxas questioned in disbelief. "You're absolutely repulsive on a good day."

Antonin merely smirked, tightening his hold on the girl that was seated next to him, her cheeks turning to a similar pink as her robes. "Dolores?" Walburga Black gasped. "You're the proof?"

"Hem, hem," she giggled, hiding her face in Antonin's chest. "He really is a master." Both Abraxas and Walburga looked absolutely disgusted as they had pictures of their… union in their minds.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "You don't know me that well. My angry face and my happy one are the same." (True Blood)  
> Pairing: Cornelius Fudge  
> Word Count: 323  
> Write about someone who can't seem to do anything right.

Cornelius winced at the high-pitched screech that came from the pink creature sat before him. He'd never heard her so angry when she looked so happy.

"Dolores, I thought you would've been happy. You definitely look it."

"Look it? Cornelius, I thought you knew me."

"I do," he argued. She shook her head in the negative.

"You don't know me that well. My angry face and my happy one are the same." Cornelius bit back a retort at how she looked the same every second of the day so how was he supposed to know, but he didn't stop himself from internally smirking at the thought. "You've screwed up too many times."

"I can improve this situation. It will be like none of this ever happened."

"How on Merlin's Earth are you going to manage that?" Dolores asked, stirring her tea delicately. "News has got out that Sirius Black never got a trial for his crimes, nevermind that he's dead but many are starting to believe that he was screwed over by the Ministry and that he was innocent." She ticked off each comment with her fingers. "You called both Dumbledore and Potter liars, instigating a rift between the Wizarding World. You were unable to stop a bunch of school children from breaking into the Ministry and you refuse to support the new system."

"I wouldn't have had to stop them from breaking in if you'd been able to keep them in school. I do believe you were in charge of Hogwarts at this time, weren't you?"

Her face splotched red. "I was," she confirmed. "But let us look at my list of mistakes and then yours. Yours is considerably worse than mine. We're through."

"Look, I understand that my Minister position is in jeopardy but-"

"But no," Dolores cut him off. "You are being voted out and we both know it. Either way, we need a Minister that isn't a magical mistake."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I'm not afraid of you." / "But you really, really should be." (Once Upon a Time)  
> Paired with: Fenrir Greyback  
> Word Count: 175

"Hello, darling," a gravelly voice whispered in the night. She shivered and she knew that it wasn't due to the cold air. "You smell divine."

"Excuse me, sir, but I must be going." She made to walk away, not actually facing him, but he appeared before her, smiling a smile in her direction that hinted to danger.

"Going? Already? But we've only just got to know each other." He walked towards her and cornered her at a wall. "Madam Umbridge, may I say how beautiful you look in person?" He stood extremely close to her, shocking her slightly with how fast he moved. She could feel the heat coming off of him and feel his breath on her neck.

"Your heart is racing, why is that? Are you scared? Of me?"

"I'm not afraid of you," she told him. He laughed.

"But you really, really should be. My name's Fenrir Greyback and you've been saying some pretty cruel things about my kind. Let's have a little chat."

She shivered, and it was because of fear.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I'd shag him until there was nothing left, just a pair of glasses and a damp patch." (My Mad Fat Diary)  
> Pairing: Fleamont Potter (James' Dad)  
> Word Count: 292

"Come on, Dolores," Alecto whined. "Just tell us! Let it go, join the club!" Dolores studiously ignored her, like she'd been doing for the past hour, because she refused to be brought in to their stupid, girly drinking games.

"She won't do it," Walburga drawled. "Dolores here prefers a bit of pussy to any man." She flicked Salazar's tail in disgust and smirked when the cat hissed but moved away from her. "If you aren't careful, Dolores, you'll become the resident cat-witch that every generation has. Who knows, maybe you'll have an office and every surface will be pink and covered in those magical kitten plates that you love so much."

Alecto and Walburga cackled at the thought and Dolores' gut twisted. That was a horrifying thought; having an office filled with those decorations was too much for her to cope with.  
"Fleamont Potter," she offered quietly, though it was loud enough for the two girls to hear. They silenced their laughter and turned to their friend in support and intrigue. "I know he's a Gryffindor but he's-"

"Tell us," Alecto urged but Dolores sighed in defeat, knowing she wasn't brave enough to get the words out. "Here, have some liquid courage." Dolores took a sip of the drink offered and barely managed to keep it down without coughing.

"What would you do to Mr Potter if you were able to get your hands on him?" Walburga questioned, her head tilted in a curious manner.

"I'd shag him until there was nothing left, just a pair of glasses and a damp patch." Dolores covered her mouth in shock, surprised that she ever managed to say that. Her two roommates exchanged a look before chuckling and clinking their glasses.

"I'll drink to that."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I was wondering what time I should pick you up tomorrow?" / "How about quarter to never?" (The Vampire Diaries)  
> Paired with: Gilderoy Lockhart  
> Word Count: 258  
> Write about Gilderoy Lockhart

He was beautiful. So beautiful. His smile was so eye-catching and she couldn't help be drawn in when he winked at her. It was nice to be looked at like that. She saw what confident women did when a man winked and hinted to them like he was doing now. She took a deep breath, called on all of her confidence, and waltzed over to the lovely man in flowing robes.

"Hello," she greeted shyly.

"Hello, my dear. My name's Gilderoy Lockhart, but you probably knew that already, didn't you?"

She giggled in response, her annoying little 'hem hem hem' laugh that she'd always hated. He didn't seem to hate it too much as he carried on talking to her.

They talked for a while longer and she really felt a connection with him. He smiled at her laugh, even going as far as to call it cute, and he didn't mind the excessive amount of pink that she wore, even pointing out that it flattered her. He was perfect.

"We should go out sometime," Gilderoy suggested. "How about tomorrow?" She nodded, biting her lip to hide her smile. She opened her mouth to ask a question but faltered, wondering how it would come across. "Everything okay?"

"I was wondering what time I should pick you up tomorrow?"

"How about quarter to never," he laughed. Her face dropped. "A woman does not pick a man up. A man picks a woman up. What time do you want me to pick you up?"

"Six sounds good, hem hem hem."


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I don't run from monsters. They run from me." (Once Upon A Time)  
> Pairing: Lord Voldemort  
> Word Count: 220

"My Lord," Dolores gasped in awe. "It is an honour to meet you." She bowed at the waist, bobbing for a moment, before righting herself and smiling at the handsome man who looked younger than she'd imagined. "I admire your work."

He motioned for her to sit. "As I do yours," he retorted. "Miss Umbridge, your work on the mudblood problem is simply a wonderful sight to see."

"I do what I can, my Lord." She bowed her head in respectful thanks to his compliment. "Filth just riddle our streets, everywhere we step. It's a start on an impossible mission. A mission, I aim to make possible."

"But when you say filth, you don't mean just mudbloods, do you?"

"Of course not," Dolores stated. "Werewolves and half-breeds and all other creatures that are out there that are dangerous to us. They must be stopped. I'd hate for the coming generations to be running from monsters just as much as we do now."

"You're right there," he agreed. "However, I don't run from monsters. They run from me." He released his glamour, revealing his pale skin and red eyes and snake-like features. He watched her closely. There was only a flicker of disgust on her features but no overwhelming urge to vanquish him. She's be even more useful than he imagined.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Rule number one. Don't ever fall in love with a straight girl." (Orange is the New Black)  
> Paired with: Minerva McGonagall  
> Word Count: 283  
> Write about someone telling vicious lies.

"Dear Diary, today we will talk about the matters of the heart. There are a few rules regarding them, and they really should be abided by." Dolores sighed, petting her kitten that was sitting on her lap. "Rule number one. Don't ever fall in love with a straight girl."

OoooooOoooooOoooooO

As a Slytherin, they were instantly disliked but it also had the advantage of their 'lies' spreading quicker than normal. Things spread in Hogwarts quickly anyway, but when it came from the mouth of a Slytherin, one known for being prejudiced and vindictive, when regarding the golden girl of the school, it took a crazy amount of interest.

"Dolores," a voice hissed, a voice that no matter how it came out, please her to no end. "We need to talk."

"Do we, Minerva?" Dolores placed her quill down onto the library table and motioned for the Gryffindor to join her. "I've heard about your… extracurricular activities out on the Quidditch pitch. I don't think I want my reputation to be tainted by your presence."

"Dolores, you and I both know that they are lies! As if I would do a thing like that."

"What women do in their own time should be kept in public places. And also once that woman is married."

"Dolores, take back what you said."

"Why on Merlin's Earth, would I do that?"

"Because your lies are vicious and unwarranted!"

"I'm a Slytherin, darling. We're not known for our fluffiness."

When Minerva stormed away in a huff, Dolores' heart clenched with pain. She didn't want to hurt Minerva but it was the only way for the two of them to interact. Dolores grasped at straws when it came to her.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Don't talk out loud. You lower the IQ of the whole street." (Sherlock)  
> Paired with: Orion Black  
> Word Count: 230  
> Write about Orion Black.

It was nice, having a powerful pureblood boyfriend. Many witches and wizards respected him and what he had to say, which the in turn gave her some respect because he was interested and involved with her.

She didn't care that she'd lied about her blood, claiming that she was a pureblood instead of claiming the halfblood rights that she was but if it gave her Orion and all this power, she didn't care. There were always the few wizards and witches, however, that would turn their noses up at her and speak down at her. Orion's cousin was one of those. She hated her.

"Don't talk out loud," Walburga huffed. "You lower the IQ of the whole street." Dolores gaped at the nerve of the woman, knowing for a fact that Walburga had less qualifications than herself. She was about to defend herself when Orion, her love, did so for her.

"Walburga, I'd watch your tongue if I was you. She isn't yours to belittle." Dolores internally grinned at the put-out look on the other woman's face. "But, sweetie, maybe you should   
keep the talking to a minimum?" Orion requested, turning to Dolores.

"Of course," she assured through gritted teeth. She only needed him for a few more weeks until her job at the Ministry came through and then she'd be free of all them. "Anything to make you happy."


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Alright, well I'm going to go now." / "I'm sorry. Was I not just in the middle of a story?" / "Yeah, but I wasn't really interested in it." (The Most Popular Girl In School)  
> Paired with: Pomona Sprout  
> Word Count: 191  
> Write about Pomona Sprout.

Pomona watched as her Herbology partner, Dolores Umbridge, stifled a yawn. She'd been trying to get more than some hostility from her Slytherin partner from the time that they'd been put together, but she hadn't.

"Alright, well I'm going to go now."

Pomona blinked, surprised at the audacity of her.

"I'm sorry. Was I not just in the middle of a story?"

"Yeah, but I wasn't really interested in it. You tend to drone on a bit and waffle on about complete and utter nonsense."

"It wasn't nonsense!" Pomona argued. "I was just giving you extra information. What if this information comes up in a test? You clearly didn't know it beforehand."

"What, so I'm meant to believe that by boring me to death, you're helping me?"

"Yes," Pomona insisted but she didn't stop Dolores from stalking away.

OooooOooooOooooO

"Thank you," Dolores said through gritted teeth. "You… helped." Pomona merely smiled, not bother to embarrass or make the girl more uncomfortable. "I know Defence pretty good, if you'd like me to return the favour."

Pomona nodded subtly, taking the tentative olive branch that had been extended to her in this unusual friendship.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I ran into [insert name] in the hallway without his/her underwear on. P.S - congratulations." (Sex & the City)  
> Paired with: Rabastan Lestrange

"So, how was your night?" Alecto asked curiously. "I barely saw you after dinner, and when I came back here, your curtains were shut."

"I was tired," Dolores offered with a shrug. "Decided to have an early night."

"Well, next time you go to sleep early, can you take Salazar with you?" Alecto glared at the white cat who glared back. "The little bugger couldn't sleep with you so he decided that my pillow was the next best place. I had to sleep with Antonin in the end!"

"Why didn't you just move him?" Dolores asked curiously. Alecto shoved her arms in Dolores' face so that she could clearly see the scratch marks. "Oh. What a good boy!"

"Eugh," Alecto groaned. "That cat is a menace!" She rolled her eyes and threw some clothes on before leaving the room. Dolores laughed at her roommate's antics and made her way to get some food on the table for Salazar when she noticed a piece of parchment.

"I ran into Rabastan in the hallway without his underwear on. P.S. Congratulations."


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I like watching ducks, feeding the ducks. I find ducks very relaxing." (My Mad Fat Diary)  
> Paired with: Rita Skeeter  
> Word Count: 258  
> Write about someone who refuses to be controlled.

"Good afternoon, Rita," Dolores spoke quietly, so as to not break the comfortable silence that surrounded the blonde. "Why are you here?"

"Because I like it here. I like watching ducks, feeding the ducks. I find ducks very relaxing."

"How so?" Dolores asked curiously, watching the birds make peculiar noises as they fought over a slice of bread.

"Because they do what they want, when they want. If they want that slice of bread, they'll fight the other ducks to the best of their ability. If a bigger, tougher duck comes along and tries to stop them from doing what they want, they swim away. They pick up their stuff and leave so that they don't have the influence anymore." Dolores sat quiet, contemplating what Rita was saying. "I'm going to be a duck, today. I'm going to pick up my stuff and get away from the overbearing force that deems it okay to try and control what I do and when I do it."

"Rita-"

"No, Dolores. I wonder what the public would think of the Minister's right hand woman, the one who tries to control people who have the right to do and say what they want."

"You don't need to do this."

"I don't. Madam Umbridge, this is exactly what I need to do. It's one thing to control creatures but it is another thing to control your partner." The reporter took a deep breath. "The public won't be hearing about this, purely because it embarrasses me, just as much as it does you. Goodbye."


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "You once told me that calling me 'Satan' was an insult to Satan." / "Well, no one's perfect." (The Vampire Diaries)  
> Pairing: Yaxley  
> Word Count: 180

"This behaviour of yours, Yaxley, is similar to the havoc that Satan brought to us once upon a time."

"Are you calling me Satan?" he checked, an eyebrow raised.

"What if I am?"

"You once told me that calling me 'Satan' was an insult to Satan."

"Well, no-one's perfect." She glared at him. "You may believe that you did what was right but even with the control we have, you still brought too much attention to us and our cause."

"Why does it matter?" Yaxley complained. "Our Lord is going to win and I'll be rewarded for injuring a member of Potter's precious trio."

"You attacked him and his delinquent group in the middle of the Ministry! Besides the fact that we've only just gained control and are still being argued, there are so many Potter supporters out there that have had heard of his break-in here and how he managed to get away!"

"Dolores-"

"You can keep your Satan-like behaviour away from me. If you screw up, you'll ruin my reputation." Yaxley huffed and glared at her before leaving.


End file.
